Unexpected

it was a surprise.
i didn't expect it.
i ponder endlessly on why is it happening.
or where it will lead me.
it's going nowhere.
definitely.
sigh...

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Random Thoughts 4

Year end seems so near and yet so far. 2 more months. Just 2 more months only. Wonder what have I done for the last 9 months or so? Can't seem to remember much. Or maybe there really ain't much to remember? Sigh...

Had many dreams lately. Dunno why. I usually have dreamless sleeps. Wonder what's the buzz in the darkest corner of the little brain that I have? Must be up to no good. Ha!

Work. Nitty gritty. Drag. Emptiness. No focus. Lost.

Life. Kinda bored.

Gonna run later.

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i hate

myself when i talk too much!

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stressed out...

the audit issue had given me a level of stress that is so mountainous high.

i felt the urgency.
i felt the need to be right.
i felt the brain being stuck.
i felt the frustration.
i felt the anger building up.

simply put, i can't think at all.

i had repeated these to myself umpteen times:
no no no, this shouldn't be like this.
there has got to be a better way.
what am i doing?
ok, i need to relax to get this straighten out

and all along, i thought i can handle stress well. just as long i calm myself down. but this time round, i can't suppress the anxiousness inside no matter how hard i try.

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Random thoughts 3

It's really very difficult to be nice when you dislike him. And he was not very nice to me either. I really really did try to be Ms Nice! Be it I like it or not, I'd triggered another volcanoe eruption. Obviously not done on deliberate, my witness can vouch for me. I'm back to being Ms Super Duper Nice. What more can i say, I'm dealing with a Mr Petty. Sigh...

Sometimes when I think back, I felt I had made the wrong decision. If I didn't reject him many years ago, we would be happy together. But there were times when I told myself that Yes! we are not meant to be together. Whatever. I can't change a single thing now.

There are days I feel lost. Not wanting to meet anybody. Not wanting to do anything. Not wanting to talk. And best of it all, not knowing what to do.

I'm gonna run in the rain later.

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wedding

a wedding is such a happy occasion. smiles on every face. the groom looks smart. the bride is at her prettiest. (almost) every gal would want to get married, to the guy that they love and spend the rest of their life together.

i wonder when my turn will come. or will it ever come?

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Random thoughts 2

I know time is against me. But what can I do? I have never thought I will stay 11 years. When I moved into the place, I told myself that it won't be long. Ha! Life is always full of surprises. And now, how long more? I have absolutely no idea. And I'm crossing my fingers HARD that it won't be long. I can only hope. Continue to hope.

The other day, I read an article saying that when your dreams eventually come true, the happiness level might not be as what you think you will feel. I seriously do agree though. Sometimes when you wanted something so badly, you will think that if you were to get it, you will definitely be in ecstasy. That, of course does not apply to all. Just some instances I guess. Whatever.

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