It has been ages since....

yes! last posted something. to be exact, almost one year.

sigh...

today i have a almost heart-stopping surprise.

i received a huge bouquet of roses. 99 of them to be exact. 96 in pink. 3 in red.

i have never gotten such a huge bouquet before in my life. my first. and my last as well.

definitely.

i really don't deserve his attention. and the extravagant splurge on the beautiful roses.

he fills me with so much guilt and there is no way that i can repay him.

what should i do?

is there really a choice for me?

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Expected

it was all concluded.
just as expected.
nothing came out of it.
but.
the sweetness linger.
sigh...

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Unexpected

it was a surprise.
i didn't expect it.
i ponder endlessly on why is it happening.
or where it will lead me.
it's going nowhere.
definitely.
sigh...

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Random Thoughts 4

Year end seems so near and yet so far. 2 more months. Just 2 more months only. Wonder what have I done for the last 9 months or so? Can't seem to remember much. Or maybe there really ain't much to remember? Sigh...

Had many dreams lately. Dunno why. I usually have dreamless sleeps. Wonder what's the buzz in the darkest corner of the little brain that I have? Must be up to no good. Ha!

Work. Nitty gritty. Drag. Emptiness. No focus. Lost.

Life. Kinda bored.

Gonna run later.

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i hate

myself when i talk too much!

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stressed out...

the audit issue had given me a level of stress that is so mountainous high.

i felt the urgency.
i felt the need to be right.
i felt the brain being stuck.
i felt the frustration.
i felt the anger building up.

simply put, i can't think at all.

i had repeated these to myself umpteen times:
no no no, this shouldn't be like this.
there has got to be a better way.
what am i doing?
ok, i need to relax to get this straighten out

and all along, i thought i can handle stress well. just as long i calm myself down. but this time round, i can't suppress the anxiousness inside no matter how hard i try.

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Random thoughts 3

It's really very difficult to be nice when you dislike him. And he was not very nice to me either. I really really did try to be Ms Nice! Be it I like it or not, I'd triggered another volcanoe eruption. Obviously not done on deliberate, my witness can vouch for me. I'm back to being Ms Super Duper Nice. What more can i say, I'm dealing with a Mr Petty. Sigh...

Sometimes when I think back, I felt I had made the wrong decision. If I didn't reject him many years ago, we would be happy together. But there were times when I told myself that Yes! we are not meant to be together. Whatever. I can't change a single thing now.

There are days I feel lost. Not wanting to meet anybody. Not wanting to do anything. Not wanting to talk. And best of it all, not knowing what to do.

I'm gonna run in the rain later.

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