You can't. Really!

my mind wanders alot...
and so i ask when i can't suppress anymore...
just to appease the curosity inside...
the answers i get...
sometimes i feel nothing...
sometimes i turn nasty just because the feel and the words do not gel well with me...

there are things that i already know... happen to know...
and i did turn a few stones to purposely know...
and i know he knows sometimes...

his mind wanders alot too...
but he chooses to remain silence...
that is the way he deals with me...
and when the volcanoe erupts once in a blue blue moon...
he said of things that i did not know he knows and actually wanted to know too...

he always say, "if you cannot handle the truth, don't ask."

yes i know...
and i do agree...
but the mind and heart do not agree sometimes... 

our past seems rather daunting in one way or another...
and we both had been through the darkness at different points in our life...

and the rebounce...
i personally find it hard to believe at times...
too fast i guess...
and i mean both of us...

but just like Mrs MM Lee said, "You can't explain these things..."

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countdown to...

I have made the decision.

i ended the relationship that i have been wanting to for a long time.

and i quickly jump into another one before i can settle the previous.

but i'm happy. really happy.

i'm falling so hard for him.

i can't imagine my life ahead without him.

but the decision i made has deeply affected him badly... and me as well.

i fear the unknown.

what is going to happen - i don't know.

and that really is worrying.

i wonder, when i look back at the end of this year, how would my life be?

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It has been ages since....

yes! last posted something. to be exact, almost one year.

sigh...

today i have a almost heart-stopping surprise.

i received a huge bouquet of roses. 99 of them to be exact. 96 in pink. 3 in red.

i have never gotten such a huge bouquet before in my life. my first. and my last as well.

definitely.

i really don't deserve his attention. and the extravagant splurge on the beautiful roses.

he fills me with so much guilt and there is no way that i can repay him.

what should i do?

is there really a choice for me?

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Expected

it was all concluded.
just as expected.
nothing came out of it.
but.
the sweetness linger.
sigh...

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Unexpected

it was a surprise.
i didn't expect it.
i ponder endlessly on why is it happening.
or where it will lead me.
it's going nowhere.
definitely.
sigh...

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Random Thoughts 4

Year end seems so near and yet so far. 2 more months. Just 2 more months only. Wonder what have I done for the last 9 months or so? Can't seem to remember much. Or maybe there really ain't much to remember? Sigh...

Had many dreams lately. Dunno why. I usually have dreamless sleeps. Wonder what's the buzz in the darkest corner of the little brain that I have? Must be up to no good. Ha!

Work. Nitty gritty. Drag. Emptiness. No focus. Lost.

Life. Kinda bored.

Gonna run later.

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